I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
