Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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