She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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