I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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