im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
