Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
