I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
