I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Enjoy the penises
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
