it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
