They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
