when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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