i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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