As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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