every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
