Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
