Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
