Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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