Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
