I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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