it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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