he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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