A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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