I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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