I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
