how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
