No stitches, just platelets and will power
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
