those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
