More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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