we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.