if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.