like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.