Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
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i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
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Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months