You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.