Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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