you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
