well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
