youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
