everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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