She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I puked a lego.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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