so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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