I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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