he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
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he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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