This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
