U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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