When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize