i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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