i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
