i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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