I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
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why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
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Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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