1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize