i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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