I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm bleeding and have questions
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
