I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
be right there i have to get my cape
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
