Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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