Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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