Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I use my feet as sexual weapons
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
