We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
