Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
