if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
