it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
