so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
