Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
