When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
