What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
