respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
