i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just invented taco cereal.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
