Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
