; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
