Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
