When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
