no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
