we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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