Can i not drive my cunt home
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
