im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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