i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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